words

My life is but segments of minutes in the day. Anxiety and depression increase by seconds as night falls for I know not what sleep means. Sleep is foreign to me since the events of the past two years. My mind races with images of police cars, holding cells and court rooms. Night falls and I feel anxious knowing that you are alone and unwell. That you have chosen to shun us from your life without a word as to why or what we might have done. My heart pounds with fear and thoughts of your safety, your anxiety and your depression. My body shivers with coldness from within its depths; my eyes are empty holes staring at nothing.

Depression crept up on you and it scarred us all. It stole our laughter, our hearts and our souls. It instilled anger, mistrust and destruction of a person who was so beautiful and successful. It removed the word family from your vocabulary and replaced it with suicide. Your life now consisted of uppers and downers and uncontrollable tears, crawling into closets running away from your fears.

When will our home be a safe haven for you? When will we see your face and hear your voice once more? When will your laughter, our laughter, fill our home and hearts? Depression is not a choice, it is a fact. It is real and millions live with it each day. It must be conquered. It will be conquered. We will fight to find a cure and we will fight to make you whole again.

 Santa

#depression #fear #night #suicide

Every day is a struggle, you are going insane.

The walls are covered with pictures but all you can see is whiteness and fear.

The noise is unbearable but there is silence all around you.

People are hurrying past you but you stand still unable to move.

You speak words, but nothing is spoken.

The clock ticks but you have no concept of time.

You self-destruct inside, your emotions are numb.

Your heart hurts, the feelings have gone.

You breathe to struggle to keep from going insane.

Santa

Women play so many roles in everyone’s lives that we often forget what it is that is expected of us until we value who we are.

We start off like everyone else, being children; playing with dolls and dreaming of tomorrow, wanting to marry Prince Charming and living happily ever after in a big house with a white picket fence . But life happens and creeps up on our dreams and they are tossed aside accommodating for more “realistic” options. Sometimes we get lucky to find that Prince Charming, that white picket fence, and at great big house, but sometimes we mostly settle.

We are women first, then some become a wife and lastly some become a mother. All three people are equally important, the responsibilities remain the same. As women we want to be the best that we can be as individuals. We want to educate ourselves, keeping an open mind and understanding of the trends and events happening today. We want to be a person with morals and values, sympathetic and forgiving when times are trying and confusing. We want to be proud to walk through life knowing that we have given all of ourselves willingly and without remorse.

As a wife, we want to feel the warmth of a loving man, warming our hearts, promising us better tomorrows, loving us, and caring for us while always respecting us. We want to be viewed as equals contributing our share of knowledge on the playing field of life; yet always remembering that we softer and more sensitive.

As mothers, we want to nourish and cherish our children, building a foundation of trust and value for them to grow in. To teach them to experience love unconditionally and go forth and love others equally. We want them to understand others and be compassionate and respectful of themselves, their parents, and their relationships.

We are women from beginning to end and we lest not forget we should be proud of whom we are and never allow any person, race, or culture ignore us and manipulate us. All women should have the right to stand tall and fight for their freedom of speech and actions. That without our love, our kindness and our strengths there would not be a “we”.

Santa

It has taken me years to understand the meaning of the word “beautiful”. In my younger years, I considered beauty a very physical thing, a feast for the eyes; which consisted of flawless skin, an ideal weight of 100lbs, and a fabulous figure. Today, I look at beauty as a whole; much deeper than any physical trait.

Beautiful is the person within that makes you feel special when everyone else ignores you.

Beautiful is the smile of a total stranger when all your hopes are lost.

Beautiful is the hand that touches yours as you reach for your last change and says, “I’ll take this one”.

Beautiful is the person you become when you learn to treat people with love and respect.

Beautiful is giving and not expecting anything in return.

Beautiful is to love without boundaries.

Beautiful is to listen and learn.

Beautiful is living without regrets or sorrows.

Beautiful is to soar to the highest of elements.

Beautiful is what everyone should strive to become.

Santa

So much time and energy is given and wasted in being upset and hateful. If we re-directed some of this energy into being grateful and kind we would be much more ahead in our lives both socially and economically. When one spends hours and even days plotting and thinking our malicious actions, we waste precious energy and time. We become tense, hateful, envious, and lose focus of the true meaning of life. Our purpose is not to get even with those who plot against us but to enjoy our choices of life to its fullest. We are nurtured by love and in turn, we have a moral obligation to nurture what we have sowed and to bring it to fruitation. One can only do this through love and kindness. Our actions are imperative in how we deal with situations and how we present ourselves to the world and to our being. Giving the maliciousness a voice will only make matters worse, and therefore we should “turn the other cheek”. We don’t shy away from the situation, but in retrospect, we confront the situation at hand. I don’t mean to say that we ignore the situation and do nothing. We confront it, we speak our minds, and we continue with our lives. This action will alleviate the heaviness in our hearts and allow us to love more freely and understand the purpose of it all. Once we have established that the situation is what it is, we can then concentrate fully on what our purpose is. We in turn give thanks for our blessings and ask for forgiveness of this situation and begin a new chapter.

Santa

It’s such a beautiful feeling to sit beside someone you care about. Not sit across from them or have them sit behind you, but sit beside you. It allows you to be at ease, speak calmly and much more lovingly than when someone sits across from you. You are both on the same playing field. There is no sense of struggle or authority.You can speak freely and make comments without looking into someone’s eyes for their approval or disapproval.

Think back to when you were younger when your parents and school friends sat beside you. They were not reprimanding you or teaching you, or asking anything of you; they were simply loving and accepting you. Holding your hand or caressing your face, enjoying the time they were spending with you. Giggling, talking and laughing about all kinds of nonsense and feeling free and inhibited. It was such as a simple time spent living, loving and enjoying the moment.

Come sit beside me and be just the person you are.

Santa

There is much to be said about one’s emotions. It can take you from a calm state to an anxious state in a matter of seconds. Letting your emotions ride wild without stopping to think of the consequences can be detrimental to your health, your career, your family and finally your soul. When one lets the little unconscious thoughts in our head think ahead of our conscious thoughts, we create windows of activities and circumstances that are not really there. We create the activities, we plant the seeds and we nurture the seeds to grow. They grow rampant in our minds, out of control, and they overtake our rationale into believing those activities. Our emotions in turn kick in and alter the activities giving them life and feelings of their own. We fall prey to these emotions and lose sight of what we believe in. We create chaos and uncertainty in ourselves and our thoughts; and we truly believe at that moment that the situation is greater than it is. Should we back out now, surely there will be repercussions, but it’s too late. Our actions have followed suit and we are knee deep in drama. We can’t go back and re-think the situation, what will people think of you. We must continue the charade in order to keep face. It’s the most logical thing to do at this time. We cannot re-think it through! But what if we did re-think it through? What if we took our chances and mustered up the courage to say it’s not totally true? That these situations were real but not unbearable. Admitted that we made a mistake in letting this situation get out of hand and learnt to deal with the situation as it really is and not the one we created. Would we better better for it?  Would one rather live a life of chaos or a life of simplicity and serenity? The answer to all these questions lies only in the believer of their emotions.

Santa

When is it appropriate to say “enough” in the workplace?

Is is when people take you for granted?

Is it when your thoughts no longer matter?

Or is it when you truly see the colors of the people you are surrounded by?

I say “enough” when all the chips are down and your self-worth is antagonized. When the people you believed in no longer believe in you and are not willing to go the distance.

I say “enough” when you no longer have a voice and become a marionette on a string to be strung day in and day out with excuses that hold no substance.

I say “enough” when you can look at yourself in the mirror and realize that all that you believed in was a farce.

I say “enough” when you know that you have given the best of yourself without compensation, remuneration or valor.

I say “enough” when you can stand up for yourself and honestly say to those people in the clearest of voices “enough”!

Santa

Welcome to Sunday…the official day of rest; and so it would seem!

Today, Sunday is unfortunately a day like all others, of catching up with all the chores; the washing, the cleaning and the cooking. The day where we look past our religious views and forsake the hour long mass for keeping our lives and homes organized. It’s a shame to think that what once was sacred and cherished has been replaced by more work. It is time to return to our roots. To hold something sacred, to believe in a better tomorrow. To believe in someone that is greater than you, greater than work, and greater than man. Let us return to the day of rest where we sit with our families at the dinner table and talk about everything and nothing. Where we put up our feet and rest giving thanks to that greater someone for everything we have accomplished and everyone in our lives.

Santa